Chapter Twelve: Dream On

Chapter Twelve: Dream On

Despite it being hard and cold, Hades’ throne was just the perfect place to take a snooze. The proof was in the unbelievable (and irritating) way he was snoring. His dark, smoking form sprawled out across it, and he drooled (his saliva practically boiling hot, burning through the floor like acid when it hit there). Even Pain and Panic were forced to cover their ears from the noise as they engaged in a game of cards nearby.

“He’s been asleep for hours,” Panic whispered. “Shouldn’t we wake him up or something?”

“If you wanna get burnt to a crisp, be my guest,” Pain remarked.

And then, out of the blue, Hades’ snoring had ceased; his eyes suddenly snapped open, and he sat upright in his throne. “WHOA!”

Pain and Panic were instantly startled, throwing their cards up into the air and scattering them all over the floor. On instinct, they both began to apologize and beg for mercy. “We’re sorry! We didn’t mean to wake you! Please don’t vaporize us! We’ll be quiet! We swear!”

Hades wasn’t obviously paying much attention to them as he got up from the throne and walked towards the edge of the rooftop. “I had, like, the craziest dream of all crazy dreams just now.”

“Crazier than the one where you were pulling out a VHS copy of Pinocchio made out of human flesh from your stomach?” Pain inquired.

“Yeah…believe it or not,” said Hades, before taking a deep breath and running his fingers through the flames on his head. “I dreamt…that I was doing it…that I was finally ruling the world.”

“What’s so crazy about that?” Panic asked.

“Yeah,” added Pain, “Isn’t that what you want?”

Hades’ eyes darted left and right, almost seemingly paranoid. “Of course that’s what I want. That’s what I’ve always wanted. Why else would I plan all of this, if I weren’t interested in taking over the world?” He nervously paced back and forth, confusing his two minions. He really had them perplexed when he uttered, “It’s just…I don’t think it was me.”

Pain and Panic exchanged an awkward glance that was quick enough for Hades not to see. The last thing they wanted their leader to suspect was the fact that he had gone completely nuts. “Uh…if it wasn’t you, Your Evilness, then who was it?”

“That’s the thing. It was me, but not me! I mean, there I was, watching the world crumble into the new underworld, but it was almost like I was possessed by another force of evil…or…something.” His back faced Pain and Panic, so he could clearly not see the way Pain was swirling his finger near his left ear to signify that their leader had lost it. Hades rubbed his temples and breathed heavily as he ordered, “Just give me the current status of our ‘situation’.”

“Well, the blonde girl with the funky old Ghostbuster uniform got the brainiac to join them,” Pain informed.

“Still no luck though on what’s-his-name,” Panic added.

Hades pounded his fist on the ledge, creating a charred spot where it hit. “We need all four of them back in the saddle, in order for this plan to work! What’s the matter with Stantz, anyways?”

“According to the image the Fates showed us, he’s totally in love with some girl named Vanessa,” Panic revealed.

Hearing that name, Hades pondered over it for a moment; something about it sounded really familiar to him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Quickly choosing to forget about it, he refocused on the main situation. “It’s only a minor distraction. I’m sure Jaffie’s got it all taken care of.”

“Are ya sure we can trust him, boss?” Pain asked. “I mean, he didn’t impress much with that Necronomicon gig.”

“The ‘gig’ was supposed to convince him to rejoin the team,” Hades answered. “But when the ‘desperate housewife’ showed up, we had to move from Plan B to Plan D.”

Pain and Panic scratched their heads in confusion. “Uh…remind us again what Plan B was?” Panic said.

“Yeah, and…uh…Plans A, C, and D, too?” Pain adjoined.

            Hades rubbed his eyes in frustration, trying to figure out what made him hire such complete morons. “All you boys need to know is that – despite a few, small setbacks – everything’s going according to plan.” He returned back to his throne, seeming to be in complete control. However, the memories of that bizarre dream continued to haunt him. If only he could figure out what it all had meant.